With the brand new movie Straight Outta Compton hitting theaters this week, Ice Cube stopped by the Jimmy Fallon Show to explain what N.W.A. DOES NOT stand for. Check out the hilarity

A video called “Don’t Fall Asleep in the Military“ is making the rounds online. It’s three minutes of soldiers getting woken up by pranks . . . like having hot sauce squirted in their mouth. We salute and honor all in the military, but this is FUNNY!

If your New Year’s resolution was to get in shape, we can help you get started with this list of The Top Tips for Getting in Shape.

Start eating kale. But don’t start talking about eating kale, or I’ll kill you.

Eliminate carbs. Sounds tough, but remember: cocaine doesn’t have carbs.

Find a workout buddy. Or a prostitute. Either way, you’ve got someone to help burn calories.

Be a bad president. Look how skinny it made Obama!

Cut fatty things from your life. That’s right. Get divorced.

Take the stairs at work. Don’t have a job? Take the stairs at home. Don’t have a home? Maybe fitness shouldn’t be a priority at this time.

Do one squat thrust every time a woman accuses Bill Cosby of sexual assault.

Stop posting memes that say things like, “Chubbies cuddle better.”

Every time you’re about to eat something unhealthy, think about your kids. You’ll immediately take a shot of whisky instead.

Even if you must eat the whole bag of microwave popcorn, at least refrain from licking the butter out of the empty bag.

Join CrossFit. Especially if you’re a self-involved a-hole who loves sharing your workouts with Facebook friends who honestly couldn’t care less.

Having sex is a great way to burn calories. So whatever you do, avoid getting married.

Attempt to do the impossible and convince yourself steamed tofu DOESN’T have the taste and consistency of a festering dish sponge.

Take the stairs instead of the elevator. And don’t worry, the residual wheezing is also a good calorie-burner.

Move to the Midwest, where you’ll suddenly seem much slimmer by comparison.

Give yourself an incentive to workout . . . like riding your bike to the Cinnabon.

Make sure the six-pack you’re working on at the gym isn’t Guinness.

Do ten crunches every morning . . . but throw the wrappers away before your trainer sees you.

You’re probably going to get a few mediocre gifts this Christmas . . . the average person gets eight gifts and hates two of them. So how are you going to handle it?

According to a new survey, 40% of us say . . . FAKE IT and pretend you like them. Here are a few more results from the survey . . .

The average bad gift costs $68.

The three gifts men dread are ugly ties, ridiculous Christmas sweaters, and cartoon socks.

The three gifts women dread are diet books, tacky ornaments, and gift certificates for plastic surgery.

25% of people admit they’ve bought someone a gift that they knew the person probably wouldn’t like.

Meanwhile, check out this video of kids NOT faking how they feel about these horrible gifts.

(Daily Mail)

Happy Feel Good Friday! A comedian named Lauren O’Brien posted a great video where she impersonates 14 different celebrities . . . if they were stuck in TRAFFIC. The funniest ones are probably Drew Barrymore, The Olsen Twins, Kristen Stewart, and Miley Cyrus. Check it out!

When you sign up to be a dad, you’re signing up for 18 years of intense stress and worrying. Followed by slightly less stress and worrying . . . but still a lot of stress and worrying . . . until you die. Goooooo parenting!

A new survey found the top 10 things that new dads worry about most. Check ‘em out.

1. Having teenage daughters who are dating.

2. Braiding ponytails.

3. Providing for the family . . . yes, this was LESS of a concern than ponytails.

4. Choosing the right shoes for their kids.

5. Having the “facts of life” talk.

6. Packing lunches.

7. Their kids being on social media.

8. Having teenage SONS who are dating.

9. Being smart enough to help with homework.

10. Shopping for presents.

Source: Daily Mail

Going on a first date can be awesome . . . or it can be hell. Here are The Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear on a First Date.

. . . And that’s when I realized that white supremacy was for me.

Trust me, you’re gonna want to wear a condom when you hit this.

Hi, I’m in the NFL.

I don’t believe in creation OR evolution. I think we’re all just characters in one of Kanye West’s dreams.

Do you speak Klingon, too?

I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a TV star, but I WAS on an episode of “Cops”.

I gotta take this call. It’s my wife.

My water broke.

Thanks to all the electro-shock therapy, I no longer hear screams at night.

Before we order the appetizers, I should tell you, I’m required by the state to disclose a couple things about my past.

This movie is so unrealistic. Believe me, that’s NOT what happens when you bury a corpse in the middle of the woods.

Sorry I couldn’t take you to that other restaurant. Turns out, it’s entirely staffed by women I’m stalking.

No matter what happens, I KNOW I’m getting lucky tonight. Because I just slipped myself a roofie.

In the trunk. NOW!

Dad?

You’re a 38D? So am I!

I hope this leads to a second date . . . because I’ve never had one.

And THAT is when I got REALLY into necrophilia.

Everyone likes a good laugh right?! Check out funny comedian Amy Schumer talk about her new boyfriend and the stress of being pretty.

In honor of all the Dad’s out there, please enjoy the Top Things You Won’t Hear Your Dad Say. HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

Boy did I make the right decision choosing one woman to have sex with for the rest of my life.

How did I feel when you wanted to play the viola instead of football? Ecstatic, of course.

This Father’s Day I want nothing more than to be with you kids and your mom.

Why didn’t you just say you wanted to drop out of college and become a street musician? Let me buy you a new harmonica.

There’s no way I can build that new addition . . . I have minimal experience and substandard tools!

Thanks to menopause, your mom looks hotter than ever.

You’re right, honey. The NFL RedZone package is taking me away from you on Sundays. I’ll cancel it.

Even though you still live in my basement, son, I’m glad you’re my namesake.

There’s no way I’m going to stop and admire that classic Corvette in the grocery store parking lot.

You SURE you want to go to college? It would be a shame to see all that stand-up comedian potential go to waste.

Ugh, enough with the Bob Seger music!

Thanks, but Old Spice is a bit too strong for me.

Wouldn’t it be a better idea to invest in a sensible Dodge Caravan?

Instead of me trying to fix this, let’s just call a repairman.

You’ll never catch me in a pair of Dockers!

I’m proud of you. WHY? WHY? WOULD IT HAVE HURT TO JUST SAY IT ONCE IN A WHILE? Uh, sorry about that.

I love and respect your mother way too much to hit on the golf cart girl at this golf course.

A clogged-up sink? Well, I certainly lack the knowledge and expertise to handle that, better call a plumber!

No beer for me, thanks. I like to watch my football sober.

Your mom and I are having way too much sex.

Gonna skip watching football today . . . don’t want to miss the big clearance sale at Linens & Things.

Honey, would you please go to my computer and look at my browser history, and then clear it, please?

Don’t call what your mom does all the time “nagging” . . . it’s constructive criticism only meant to make me feel better about myself.

Actually, you kids have it much harder now than when I was a kid. I had a spoiled and entitled childhood.

According to this article in “Cosmo” . . .

I get tons of compliments when I wear dark socks with sandals.

Actor/comedian Tracy Morgan is in critical condition after a limo bus crashed on the New Jersey Turnpike Saturday, leaving at least one person dead, comedy writer for Morgan, James McNair. He was 62. There were six passengers with Morgan when it overturned around 1 a.m. Six vehicles were also involved in the accident. According to Associated Press, a driver of a truck that caused the accident has been charged, after hitting the limo bus from behind. Our prayers go out to Tracy Morgan and all involved in this tragic accident.

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